Friday, May 13, 2011

Ramblings after Surgery...

Monday 5/2/2011
Almost a week ago I had my fourth laparoscopy on my reproductive parts. Sounds funny when I type it out, but honestly how else do you say it. My first surgery was in 1994 which confirmed the diagnosis of endometriosis. My second was about a year after Katie was born to have my tubes tied. In November of 2007, I had a partial hysterectomy. And today I am recovering from the removal of my right ovary. What's left... yep only my left ovary. So does that make me 1/3 of a woman? Who cares. What matters is in the life I lead not the parts that make hold me together!

Tuesday 5/3/2011
I am recovering slower than I had expected from this surgery. It's been a week and I am still hurting. I become exhausted really quickly. Today was the first day I had the energy to actually shave my legs and "do my hair". I felt great afterwards too. As I sit and express the most intimate emotions I have it's hard not to cry. I ache, it hurts. My insides hurt. I can't describe it, I can't explain it, but it hurts. Sometimes it's shooting pain, other times dull pain, nuzzled in between a constant ache.

Yesterday the doctor called. He didn't have very good news for me. They did all sorts of blood tests prior to my surgery. Most notably they did multiple different kinds of tests for tumor markers. They all came back negative, accept one. One was very low and this test would also trip the numbers up a bit if you have endometriosis. The doctor said the numbers were so low not to worry at all since I've had such an extensive history of endometriosis. If he even suspected cancer he assured me he would not do the surgery and he'd send me stateside to a cancer treatment center b/c you get "One Shot" at this type of surgery.

Back to the phone call... "It doesn't look good Colleen. We always run tests after surgery, it's not a cyst. It's a tumor and it tested positive for cancer." Doc said "we're sending this to Walter Reed for extra testing. 30% of the time it does come back that we've made a mistake." Translation... 70% chance you've got cancer, but we want to confirm it. Wait what...

Wednesday, 5/4/2011
I forgot to add the best part of my Monday. See it was Monday here in Okinawa, which means it was Sunday night in the states. That morning the White House was announcing Osama bin Laden was dead. Mark had just left the house to pin a new SSgt at his promotion. I tried over and over and over to call Mark. He wouldn't pick up the phone. I was so frustrated. I knew he nor his Marines heard about this new "intel development" and I wanted to be the one to tell him. That's when my phone rang. It was my doctor. My doctor told me that he had called Mark and spoke to him prior to calling me. So while I was trying to call Mark and tell him the best news ever; that OBL was DEAD! Mark was on the phone with my doctor hearing the worst news ever, your wife has cancer. I was finally able to get a hold of Mark and I was the first person to tell him about OBL but my thunder was gone, the thrill had become numb and neither of us could respond. He did tell his team and he was the first to spread the news, but it wasn't the same. He came home about an hour later and I sobbed in his arms for what seemed like hours. He told me "No official news is good news, lets keep moving forward." I dried up my tears and my babies came home from school. Now we wait.

Today, Wednesday (5/4/2011) I actually spoke about this to someone other than Mark. Maureen came over to have lunch and to visit. I spilled my guts, cried again and swore her to secrecy. We don't want anyone to know until we have some real answers. No sense in stressing the family or friends out until we have an action plan. I can't express how thankful I am for her sitting on my sofa just listening. Allowing me to explode and offer such strong words of encouragement and love. Thank you Maureen.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am here for you:) You are in my thoughts and prayers every minute of the day. Maureen