Sunday, May 22, 2011

Not as planned...

This week hasn't exactly gone as planned. If you would have spoken to me a month ago I wouldn't have even dreamed I'd be here. Shoot cancer wasn't in my vocabulary, neither was borderline tumor, another surgery or shoot Hawaii. I was excited to be part of the all the fabulous end of the year activities with my children. Choir concerts, band concerts, Asian Festivals, middle school tours, graduations, pool parties, birthday parties, good-bye parties and last but not least field day! I am truly blessed that I do not have to work outside of the home and I get to do all of these activities w/ my kids. I don’t HAVE to… I truly WANT to! ... (There’s a difference) I shouldn’t complain; I am here in tropical Hawaii with no humidity and a sweet summer breeze, but this wasn’t in my plan.

Tonight I should have been listening to the sounds of middle schools sharing their talents on their musical instruments at the end of the year band concert and awards ceremony. I cried only once today which is pretty good for me. This morning I called to chat w/ the kids and my sweet babboo. K80 was the last one on the phone, she can have the tenderest voice and the way she said “Mommy!” today broke my heart. I began to tear up and I realized how much I am really missing with this trip and it breaks my heart. I love my family; I truly don’t enjoy time away from them. I’d so much rather experience all of this with them. I said I wanted to fit my cancer around my life and NOT my life around my cancer. Look where I am, fitting my life around it. I ache because of it.

I thought a lot about what I tell my girl friends when things get rough… I decided to take my own advice and I put on my Big Girl Panties! Sadly they don’t make UnderRoos in my size believe me I’ve looked. But I am walking with my head held high and with a positive attitude. But please continue to keep me and my family in your prayers.

I had my cat scans today and won’t get the results until next week. I still taste the dye, nothing will get that gross taste out of my mouth. Not even that super YUMMY Coke Icee I got from Target today. The little joys in life… Target and a coke ice… just a few of my favorite things!

1 comment:

Dani said...

you have always had a way with words Colleen!! Yes...sometimes we MUST put on our big girl panties because there is no other option. YOU my darling a strong; brave; talented; inspirational woman of God!! Yes, it is true that you are missing out on "immediate" activities with your family, and it is SAD. HOWEVER, think of how many more memories and activites you are going to get to enjoy in the future because you are taking the time NOW to fight cancer!! Continue to try and enjoy paradise and your coke icees for just a bit longer honey!! I LOVE YOU and will continue to pray for you and your family!!!