Got your back...

This blog posting is a follow on from my Facebook comment "when people say they have your back, I think what they are really saying is that I've got your back with a knife in it..." Then I followed that comment up with "it's all good, I am covered in the blood of Jesus, but I sure wish more would splash onto others... guess I need to work on that!"

I'm really at a place where I am in awe... not a good awe, but a you've got to be kidding me, jaw dropped to the ground, you aren't serious... awe. I will not going into details on what spurred this on, but I've been stabbed in the back many many times throughout my life. And it never ceases to amaze me the people who do it; all in the name of 'christian love'. That word does not warrant being capitalized in that sentence b/c Christ is not in that word, it's used figuratively in a very negative get your attention way (just in case you didn't see that sarcastic tone inflected there!).

It is extremely hard for me to open up to other people, for them to truly get to know me, my heart, my family. I will certainly welcome you into my home, break bread with you, laugh and chat. I'll have you over for holidays, football games, and most definitely help you through your most difficult of times in life. But getting to know me on a deeper level, nope you aren't getting into my personal life... why because without fail it turns around and bites me square in the buttocks. It holds on tight and rips my heart apart and causes me to become even more private about me and my family.

I know what the Bible teaches us, I know the heart of God and His plan for His people. I am also not naive enough to know that Christ confided in and pour out his WHOLE earthly and spiritual heart to the multitudes. He only had a few, very few, close confidants. Even they weren't the best of friends. I keep hearing He had twelve. He has twelve disciples, but he didn't share all that was within him with even all those twelve. He had a few (in my house growing up a few mean 2 possibly 3 cookies on a good day!) So if Christ only had 2 -3 people He could be real with then why would I need any more than that. His heart was open and he shared with the many but only a few could truly be called "His friends". He had many followers, but only a few confidants/key peeps.

I've been asked many times by friends why I don't open up more, why I am so open about so much and then when it comes to the meat and potatoes of me and my family we are a tightly sealed door. I've got my core, my key people, my BFF's but to enter that place one must earn it. It was a privilege with Christ, it's is with me.

I sadly opened my gate up and let a wolf in... no worries though. I've chased them out, closed the gate and all is secure again. They may have the "dirt from my life" with them, but I have the harvest of flowers that shall bloom from their crap!

My husband once told me "Never ask a question, you don't want the answer to for the answer might shock you more than the question will shock me!"